.png)
When Behavior Is Really Communication: How Speech-Language Pathologists Can Help Families Decode Challenging Behaviors
- Dr. Cherina Williams
- 7 days ago
- 6 min read
Parents often ask, “Is it behavior…or something more?” For speech-language pathologists (SLPs) in early intervention, this question triggers investigation. Challenging behaviors in toddlers and preschoolers (e.g., hitting, meltdowns, refusing directions) are often communication problems in disguise. Families need help understanding why these behaviors happen, and clinicians are tasked with distinguishing between behavior issues and underlying communication delays while coaching parents on practical strategies.
Research shows communication delays are frequently misinterpreted as behavior problems, frustrating both children and families. This guide outlines a three-step clinical approach for identifying when challenging behaviors stem from speech and language difficulties and how to coach families to respond effectively.
Understanding the Connection Between Communication Delays and Challenging Behaviors
Children lacking the language skills to express their needs often resort to physical or disruptive behaviors. Studies by Tarantino et al. (2025) found that nearly 70% of late talkers displayed elevated behavior concerns during the pandemic. After one year of consistent support, only 5% continued to struggle.
When language intervention pauses, children often regress, creating a cycle where behaviors replace communication. This reduces opportunities for language development and increases parental frustration. The good news: steady support and guided parent coaching can replace frustration with connection.
Step 1: Assess Speech Intelligibility and Expressive Language
The first observation question: “Is the child making any sounds at all?” If yes, evaluate:
Part-words or unintelligible word approximations
Frequency of communication attempts versus behavioral responses
Frustration level during communication attempts
Parent recognition of the child’s speech attempts
Why Speech Intelligibility Matters for Behavior
A child saying “wah-wah” repeatedly and not being understood may escalate to hitting, tugging, or crying. If aggressive behaviors work better than words, children default to those behaviors, reducing opportunities to practice expressive language. Parents may feel helpless, wondering “Why won’t my child talk?”
Clinical Solutions
Assessment: Use a comprehensive language sample and tools like the HomeGoals Word Bank to track both what words are attempted and their functional use.
Parent Coaching Strategies:
Help parents recognize part-word approximations
Teach responsive communication techniques
Provide scripts to respond appropriately
Outcome: Children practice verbal communication, rely less on challenging behaviors, and parents gain confidence supporting language development.
Step 2: Evaluate Receptive Language and Processing Abilities
If intelligibility isn’t the issue, ask: “Does the child understand instructions but respond with challenging behaviors?”This can indicate:
Language Processing Difficulties
Children with receptive language or auditory processing delays may respond to directives with hitting, grabbing, or crying. From the child’s perspective, “I don’t understand what you’re asking” is communicated through behavior.
Red flags parents often notice: “My older child doesn’t follow directions like my younger one, even though they speak well.”
Early Signs of Neurodivergence
Some children may have expressive language but struggle with reciprocal communication, social demands, or compliance. These are common early signs of autism spectrum disorder or other neurodevelopmental differences.
Clinical Assessment Tools
HomeGoals™ Milestone Checklist: Identify skill gaps and discrepancies between expressive and receptive language
Outcome: Using these tools helps clinicians guide families on whether further developmental screening or autism evaluation is needed.
Step 3: Identify Emotional Regulation and Co-Regulation Challenges
Children may have age-appropriate language yet struggle to manage big emotions, using behavior as an outlet.
Why Emotional Regulation Difficulties Are Often Missed
These children may appear typical in language and cognition, leading to:
Higher behavioral expectations than the child can meet
Negative labels (e.g., difficult, aggressive)
Missed emotional regulation support
Parent-Centered Assessment
Surveying parents is essential. It supports:
Understanding parental perceptions and confidence
Identifying stressors affecting the parent-child relationship
Tools like the HomeGoals™ Parent Survey guide decisions on supporting parents emotionally, coaching strategies, and restoring parent-child connections.
Word-for-Word Scripts: From Assessment to Action
For Clinicians Coaching Parents
Script 1: Reframe Behavior as Communication"I noticed [child’s name] [behavior]. This may be their way of expressing [need]. Have you noticed this pattern at home?"Effect: Validates observations, reframes behavior, encourages collaboration.
Script 2: Survey Before Strategizing"On a scale of 1-10, how confident do you feel supporting [child’s name]’s language at home? What’s been the hardest part?"Effect: Reveals parent needs, builds trust, guides intervention selection.
Script 3: Connect Communication Delays to Behavior"Many parents are surprised to learn behavior can be a child’s language. Right now, [child’s name] uses [behavior] because it’s faster than words. We’ll help them see words work even better."Effect: Normalizes behavior, explains the why, reduces parent guilt.
For Parents Using Scripts with Their Child
Script 4: Behavior Instead of Words"I see you’re [behavior]. You’re trying to tell me something! Let’s use words together. You want water? Say 'wah-wah' or 'water!'”Effect: Models language without punishment.
Script 5: Confusion About Directions"I can see you’re confused. Let me help: first [action], then [next action]." Use visual cues.Effect: Reduces frustration, teaches comprehension through step-by-step guidance.
Script 6: Big Emotions"You’re feeling [emotion]. It’s okay. Let’s breathe together, then use words: 'I’m mad' or 'I need help.'"Effect: Validates emotion, provides co-regulation, builds emotional vocabulary.
Script 7: Celebrate Communication Attempts"You said '[approximation]'! Yes! Here’s your [item]. Great job using words!"Effect: Reinforces attempts, motivates further verbal communication.
Parent Coaching: The Critical Role of Surveys
Parent surveys prevent assumptions and guide therapy:
If a parent reports low confidence, combine observational data to provide tailored education
Match tools to parent learning styles
Build competence through collaborative goal-setting
Family-Centered Intervention Using HomeGoals™ Language Milestone Movement
This framework equips parents with:
Typical language milestones
Presentation of communication delays across domains
Relationship between language skills and behavior challenges
Red flags for further evaluation
Benefits:
Transforms clinician-led therapy into parent-professional collaboration
Empowers parents with knowledge
Enables shared decision-making
Reduces clinician burnout by distributing intervention responsibility
Building Parent-Professional Partnerships
When families understand the developmental context, conversations shift from “What’s wrong with my child?” to “How can we support their communication and behavior together?”
Parents provide daily observation insights
Clinicians dispel language myths
Strategies are tailored and tested collaboratively
Interventions continue consistently between sessions
Research Supporting Consistent Intervention
Consistent language support is key:
Tarantino et al. (2025): 70% of late talkers initially had behavior concerns; after a year of consistent intervention, only 5% continued
Language therapy interruption reduces progress, which rebounds once resumed
HomeGoals™ Framework research echoes these findings: steady s
upport and parent-clinician communication replace frustration with connection
Best Practices for Addressing Behavior vs Communication in Early Intervention
Clinical Takeaways for SLPs:
Assess communication first with challenging behaviors
Use comprehensive language sampling (intelligibility, expressive, receptive)
Screen for developmental red flags using milestone checklists
Survey parent perceptions before planning interventions
Educate families about communication-behavior connections
Provide concrete tools for home practice
Empower parents as co-interventionists
Maintain consistency—key to lasting change
Key Clinical Questions:
Is behavior consistent across settings?
Does it increase with high communication demands?
Can the child communicate wants/needs in some contexts but not others?
How do parents interpret and respond to behaviors?
Which communication skills are emerging or absent?
Conclusion: Transforming Challenging Behaviors Through Communication
When SLPs approach challenging behaviors as communication puzzles rather than discipline problems, children make meaningful progress and families regain confidence. Communication delays are often the root of behavioral challenges. By systematically assessing intelligibility, receptive language, and emotional regulation, and coaching parents with evidence-based strategies, SLPs can break the behavior cycle and strengthen communication skills.
Remember: Behind every challenging behavior is a child trying to tell us
something. Our role is to help families hear the message and respond with understanding.
Resources
HomeGoals Word Bank – Track early communication attempts
HomeGoals™ Milestone Checklist – Comprehensive developmental screening
HomeGoals™ Parent Survey – Understand family perceptions
HomeGoals Language Milestone Movement™ – Parent education and coaching
Explore the HomeGoals™ Framework to strengthen parent coaching skills and address the behavior-communication connection effectively.
About the Author: Dr. Cherina Williams, SLP, creator of the HomeGoals™ Framework and I’ve Got This Kid, specializes in helping early intervention professionals build strong parent partnerships through evidence-based coaching strategies.
References:
Tarantino, K., et al. (2025). Behavior concerns in late talkers: Impact of consistent intervention during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Rush, D. D., & Shelden, M. L. (2011). The Early Childhood Coaching Handbook. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co.
Keywords: behavior vs communication, speech therapy challenging behaviors, communication delays and aggression, toddler behavior problems, receptive language disorder, parent coaching speech therapy, early intervention behavior, language processing difficulties, emotional regulation in children, autism red flags, SLP strategies, late talkers behavior concerns
Comments